The CIA goes woke

At last: Black sites run by strong cisgender millennial women of color.

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The only functional difference between the foreign policies of Republican and Democratic administrations is that unmanned drones used during Democratic administrations are decorated with gay pride and “Yes, We Can” stickers, or so the joke goes.

The CIA has become a real-life version of this joke, following the release of a recruitment video touting the agency’s inclusivity and diversity.

Don’t be fooled by these paeans to woke-ism. You know a public relations gimmick when you see one, and the CIA, a historically and notoriously sinister intelligence agency, is certainly no stranger to self-serving gimmicks.

Under President Joe Biden, the CIA will continue its clandestine and possibly illegal overseas activities. It will continue to hire and promote to its highest rungs comically villainous degenerates such as former director John Brennan. It will continue its tradition of going after domestic critics with targeted leaks of bad information to the press. It may even continue to operate its so-called black sites.

But at least strong women of color will run those black sites! Progress!

The CIA’s new video features a female agent, Mija, who claims she suffered from "imposter syndrome" but refuses now to "internalize misguided patriarchal ideas of what a woman can or should be."

"I am intersectional,” she says in the video, describing herself later as a "cisgender millennial."

If this is how CIA operatives are going to speak from now on, the agency may have just discovered a low-key replacement for waterboarding.

“When I was 17,” Mija continues, “I quoted Zora Neale Hurston’s ‘How It Feels to Be Colored Me’ in my college application essay. The line that spoke to me stated simply, ‘I am not tragically colored. There is no sorrow dammed up in my soul, nor lurking behind my eyes. I do not mind at all.'”

She adds, “At 17, I had no idea what life would bring, but Zora’s sentiment articulated so beautifully how I felt as a daughter of immigrants then and now. Nothing about me was or is tragic. I am perfectly made.”

It doesn’t get any better from there.

“I am a woman of color. I am a mom. I am a cis-gendered millennial who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder,” said the CIA operative.

Let's pause here for a moment to appreciate this line. The Russians must be laughing themselves to death in their borscht. Indeed, there are few things in this world more appealing to intelligence agencies, particularly those based in countries hostile to the United States, than an American intelligence officer announcing she has been diagnosed with “generalized anxiety disorder.” If you’re in the spycraft business, why broadcast this information and open yourself to possible exploitation by hostile intelligence services? Mija may as well wear a sandwich board that says, “Target me.”

She continues, saying, “I am intersectional, but my existence is not a box-checking exercise. I am a walking declaration, a woman whose inflection does not rise at the end of her sentences, suggesting that a question has been asked.”

Curiously absent from the recruitment video are mentions of reasons why anyone should sign up for the CIA. In fact, it's not even clear what Mija does for the CIA, if anything.

“I used to struggle with imposter syndrome,” she said, “but at 36, I refuse to internalize misguided, patriarchal ideas of what a woman can or should be. I am tired of feeling like I’m supposed to apologize for the space I occupy rather than intoxicate people with my effort, my brilliance.”

Somewhere, there’s a Chinese Communist Party agent staring at his monitor in total bewilderment, all but certain the CIA ad is part of a cunning psy-op meant to discredit progressive rhetoric and ideals.

“I am proud of me, full stop,” said Mija, who did not, in fact, stop. “My parents left everything they knew and loved to expose me to opportunities they never had. Because of them, I stand here today a proud first-generation Latina and officer at CIA.”

She concludes, “I am unapologetically me, and I want you to be unapologetically you, whoever you are.”

Don’t be fooled by the ad’s progressive feel-goodery. The CIA is still the CIA. It’s just putting on a fresh coat of paint in honor of the new administration.